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I can''t hate them with all my heart. Between my second birthday and my 16th, my main ambition was to drive a car, and the first thing I ever got to drive was a golf cart. I was 6 or 7. My father had won permission to spend the afternoon at the country club by offering to take me along. He kept me tractable by occasionally permitting me to place a trembling hand on the steering wheel. When I got bored and demanded to be taken home, he suggested, in desperation, that we switch seats.Thirty years later, I struck a similar bargain with my daughter, who was also 6 or 7. "I love golf!" she told my wife when we got home, and she asked if we could play again the next day. That evening, I confessed that, contrary to what I''d allowed her to believe on the course, "playing golf " did not consist of recklessly steering an electric cart around a field while Daddy nervously hopped in and out. I added that she would be welcome to join me in the morning, but this time we would be walking. And that was the end of that. That''s what I''m trying to build. I don''t know where the critical speed is that inspires such madness and communion, and life, really, but I know the table just might find it. And when that critical level of intensity is reached, there will be conversations, sculptures, readings, and parties like never before. Less than a month on the road, on a hot day in late February, the grungy banditos nervously approached the inspection station scooterswholesale at the Arizona border. They were driving a table. They were about to get busted.Having spent the last week crossing the Mojave, Scott, my friend and copilot for the first thousand miles, and I were grungier than usual, and the table looked down right impossible to have a respectable conversation around. The left rear tire had lost half its air and the land-boat listed dangerously. The windshield had long since fallen out, somewhere, I think, between Barstow and Bakersfield. Although we''d duct taped the windshield frame back together, we''d jammed the wiper switch on, so that the blue wipers waved incessantly in empty space. Such quantities of chili beans, bacon grease, and wine had spilled on the table that, as we slowed down to be inspected, a great swarm of flies descended upon us. I peered through the bugs splattered on my safety glasses at the fine specimen of authority blocking our way. We had been stopped several times already and I was wondering how in the world were we going to convince him that the table, despite appearances, was a socially responsible invention designed to foster a utopian sense of community.
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